Grown Azz Woman Talk

I have been thinking about many things over the months, weeks and days and come to the conclusion IT AIN'T EASY BEING A WOMAN!

And the collective of sistahs worldwide nod their heads, smack their lips, raise there eyebrows and reply: "And it took you how long to come to that realization?"

Seriously I think about my life and the stories and situations of the women in my family, circle of friends, community and abroad and it is a bittersweet-sour-rich-spicy stew of experiences, wisdom, regrets, neglect, joys and sorrows. I wonder how many of us contemplate what it is to be women outside of being defined by our "sex". In my eyes having a vagina and breasts doesn't qualify womanhood. So what does qualify womanhood?

Knowledge and love of self, strength of spirit and character, principles, power, wisdom, compassion, accountability and responsibility.... Ahh accountability and responsibility, let's talk about these words right here. Accountability: the principle that individuals, organisations and the community are responsible for their actions and may be required to explain them to others.

Responsibility:

• duty: the social force that binds you to the courses of action demanded by that force; "we must instill a sense of duty in our children"; "every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an obligation; every possession, a duty"- John D.Rockefeller Jr
• province: the proper sphere or extent of your activities; "it was his province to take care of himself"
• a form of trustworthiness; the trait of being answerable to someone for something or being responsible for one's conduct; "he holds a position of great responsibility"

As women there are a number of things that we learn in the course of our lives and if our mothers instilled these lessons of wisdom, principles and virtue of nature and character we know that: We must learn to rely on ourselves. That all actions have repercussions. That the decisions we make pave the path for our future. That without struggle and sacrifice there is no success. That we must be strong. That we must use sense and intelligence. That we should value ourselves and know our inner power. That it is alright to make mistakes as long as we learn the lesson to avoid it the next time. To be compassionate to others. To not let ourselves be taken advantage of. There are so many lessons----numerous invaluable ones.....but just how well have we internalized this?

At what point do we stop looking outside of ourselves for the answers to the needs and desires in our lives? At what point do we stop letting our negative experiences and woes of our past be a burden, be a crutch, stop owning us? When do we own responsibility for ourselves and take accountability for our current actions that affect our lives? Whether it's negative relationships or other circumstances we find ourselves in - we can make excuses for abuses we either internalize or enable other people to inflict upon us. Yes, in life we have some hard times, but sisters sometimes we make it harder than we need to. Somehow we fall into the Super Sistah Myth---as if we must fill the huge role of being saviour to any and everyone and not complain about it. Where does this leave us the time to save ourselves?

Oh no doubt we are divine and strong, but somedays we are weak, we are broken, we are bitter. We need release, venting and healing because we are just as human as we are spirit. We have to give ourselves room for our flaws as well as our growth and development. In order for us to truly grow we have to acknowledge the good and the bad, not treat ourselves as if the negative and sad parts of ourselves don't exist. Denial is damaging. Disdain for your own humanity is just as damaging too. We must learn that loving ourselves means embracing the beautiful and ugly, and going you know what this is me, all of me, but damnit I am wonderful and I am loved. Sometimes we don't always love ourselves and its because we don't know ourselves or don't want to know ourselves. Or we become the things everyone else expects us to be---but what do we expect from ourselves? What do we want for ourselves?

It is not selfish to think about you and only you. Like Erykah said: "I work at pleasin me cuz I can't please you..." We are not here to first and foremost please others, we are here to first know, discover and groom ourselves so we can be useful in our circle of friends, family and communities. But before we serve anyone we have to serve ourselves. The well can't keep giving out water without being replenished.

Ask yourself today: What am I worth? What is my value? Do I love myself? Am I accountable and responsible to MYSELF?

And be honest, because I know I have not always been accountable or responsible. I've made mistakes and costly decisions because I suffered from a skewered vision of myself. Somedays I don't love myself. Sometimes I do things that are just plain senseless---and its because I don't always keep my worth in mind. I am so much more valuable than I realize most of the time. Yet the irony is I spend a great deal of my time administering this wisdom and care to my family, friends , complete strangers and using my poetry to "minister" to people (on a completely non-religious level. I keep it all elevation, revolution and spiritual). Yet I diminish myself and don't feed myself and care for myself like I should. We have to see the problem in ourselves before we can not only treat it, but cure it. So ladies today I am going to charge you as I charge myself to be more accountable and more responsible to ourselves.

There is only one you in the universe, and your existence can change the balance of life. Let it be a good change and a good life. The choice is mine, and the choice is yours.

Peace & Healing, Legacy