I am afraid of leading a life of mediocrity.
Falling short of the promise of my potential.
Never fulfilling my purpose.
These thoughts keep me up at night
When I am unable to create.
No one wants to be accused of unoriginality.
Every artist wants to feel inventive and dynamic.
Contributing something unique and rich to the legacy of the arts.
Sometimes I feel as if I am a decent by product
Of every poet and writer I have admired.
After all, it is their influences that have informed me.
Even if I write about "life."
God, would it be shallow to request that
Someone remember me?
Find a reason to live, to change because of my words?
I know I am only a vessel
Cracked, bleeding and unable to contain my measure at times...
I sincerely want to be of use...
To this world.
These are the quiet fears.
Collecting in the corners of my conscious
Creeping in the shadows of this office
Sighing in bed between me and my lover
The frustration and anguish
That sharpens my tongue
Fraying my nerves.
I don't want to speak their reality aloud.
It's prettier when I frame them in prose.
Perhaps, there is a running list of things
I should fear.
Being afraid is not in my genetic make up.
I cannot bare the deep nothingness
Of living without being light.
So I will challenge the sun
Until I overcome all doubt.
Live and never entertain
being less than the measure of my own greatness.
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2 comments:
I share your fear...mine might be even more pessimistic. You are worried about mediocrity, I'm worried about being just plain bad.
This was a good fear to call out. To have lived and have nothing memorable to show for it. I also think this fear causes the paralysis that keeps some of us out of the arts, so this is a good process for getting us in. Keep working your magic!
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