PAD #20: Expose

Because you will gnaw my name
between your teeth.
Nosedive into the shadows of my world
in search of scraps.
Hold your breath for my
public exhalation.
Triumph in my troubles
and hope I will break and hide.
I write this poem for you.

You longed for us to fail
from the beginning.
Could not accept our love
for its reality.
I don't expect you to recognize,
what you have never known.
We could not fake the gazes,
the smiles, the love making, and
conversations past midnight,
the hand holding, and touching foreheads.
The sighs and the pain.

Our evidence was too faulty
for the flawed.
You searched for cracks
in the wall of our union.
Our wine was too sweet for
you to intrude on our communion.
Bitter is the woman who covets
the love of another sister.
Guile is the man who speaks
doubt in his brother's ear about his woman.
You smiled weakly in my face,
spoke directly to my man.
Offended he did not waste
a glance on you.
You could never replace me.
My reality would fade you
leaving only regrets that
you are not ME.

I am overwhelmed and juggling
a job, college and a relationship
on the rocks.
When there is love, but it's not
enough to make all things right.
Confused and needing the space
to think and retreat.
I am skeptic of my art and
angry at myself for not
following my dreams.
Not living up to the standards I deserve.
No one has hurt me more than myself.
I am nobody's victim, but I do know
the violation of a public view.

Fuck you, if you believe
I should be more than human right now.
Forgiving to those that mean me ill.
Bury any beefs that deserve to be
cattle to the slaughter.
For believing my consciousness,
means I won't curse you out or condemn you.
It's no easy task to be a Legacy, in a world
of energy vampires and zombies.
Bitch, you follow where I lead
even when you don't want to.

I am not afraid to bleed before you.
My life has always been open.
I grow stronger from your criticism,
and your inability to hurt me.
I am teflon, and you are
the bullets that failed to meet their target.
Adjust your bulls-eye and kill yourself.
Die to the pathetic creature you are,
and resurrect as a life with purpose.
The world needs more of me,
and less creatures like you.
Do the divine math, and see
if you could attempt to balance the equation.

My woes are war stories for women
who fight with teeth and heart.
Victorious because I can write my pain,
and still be open to love.
Not bitter and broken.
This volcano has awoken,
and the smoke is a sign of life.
For you it is a warning.
Be careful what you say,
because lava burns fierce and slow.
I am not sleeping...
I am not sleeping...
I am awake and ready to
Blow.